Summer’s Last Hurrah
This time of year, the hillsides in Montana are cast in gold. Days are hot, but at night the sky is clear for stargazing. Cooler temperatures make the mornings longer and there are still some wild flowers to be found in the alpine. Summer is shining with its last hurrah. Summer can be a time of bustling and movement outside, but it can also create time off-the-grid, out-of-service, together. What has connection looked like for you this summer? Have you created time to wander with your loved ones?
Connection, no matter the season, requires intentional space to grow it. In a society that rewards hustle it can be especially hard to create. So how do you create time for connection amidst the business of kids, work, school, chores, personal pursuits? The truth is it has to be a choice. Connection takes time, and if we are always saying yes to everything and everyone else our relationships will suffer. Love is what starts a relationship, and commitment to connection is what keeps your relationship and love growing.
Connection requires becoming experts on one another. Do you know what your partner's biggest fears are? Do you know how to care for those fears and comfort your significant other through it? Do you know what excites your partner and how to ignite joy with one another? Over time we automate each other making it easy to assume things about each other are the same when really there are new important changes to check in on.
So as we cherish these last few weeks of summer, I encourage you to take your spouse, partner, whoever is in your life you want to keep growing a connection with and see what you can do to create some space. Go for a longer hike than usual, go sit at a park or your favorite coffee shop and try these ten questions to see what it feels like to dig into building connections together.
Do note that while you do this it is important to listen and share vulnerably. Defensiveness, criticism, judgment, withdrawal will impede on this activity and the safety and security of your relationship. So be ready to listen and be curious about your partner’s experience, especially when it is different from yours. It is normal to have different experiences, memories and perspectives. The key is learning about those and finding ways to care for each other through them.
Questions for your next date:
When do you feel most supported by me?
What are your favorite memories of our relationship?
When do you have the most fun together?
Are there parts of yourself that are hard to share with me? What makes it hard to share?
What has felt the most challenging about our relationship lately?
What is one way I can support you differently?
How do you think you’ve changed as a person since we have been together or known each other?
What scares you the most about life?
When was the last time you felt sad? What helped you feel comforted in your sadness?
In what ways am I hard to be with as your partner and what ways am I easy to be with?
Enjoy these last moments of summer, and stay in touch with how this activity goes! And remember to always stay curious about who each other are becoming.
